Old Jokes Home

I popped into Tesco today and nicked all the baguettes.
It was a French stick-up.

I went out with a cardboard cut-out once. She dumped me though, because I stood her up.

Q/ Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A/ Because he neverlands.

f(x)=2x+1 walks into a bar. The barman says
“I’m sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”

I bought some lovely German Christmas cake yesterday, but it was stollen this morning.

An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar. The bartender says
“Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

Q/ Who lives at number 664?
A/ The neighbour of the beast.

Q/ What was Whitney Houston’s favourite kind of co-ordination?
A/ Haaaannnnd eeeyyyeeee…

Q: What is Dean Martin’s favourite eel?
A: That’s a moray.

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